You Might Not Recover from Burnout. Ever.

Stumbled on this post from my RSS feed. I don’t know anything about the author, Dr. Devin Price, but a few lines really popped out that I wanted to capture and come back to later.

The premise is that there are some cases of burnout we never recover from. I was immediately drawn to it because I consider myself in the throes of an ongoing burnout and have recently questioned whether or not I would ever regain my “pre-burnout” sense of self. That’s another topic altogether, but Price articulates a few things in ways I haven’t been able to for years.

No amount of dedication from Hea was enough to satisfy her bosses, and her relationships with clients always felt shaky, and had to be constantly maintained. She was forever connected to her phone, having nightmares about brand partnerships and ad-read recording sessions. By the time she was hospitalized for exhaustion and thoughts of self-harm, Hea had been working day and night, without any real weekend to speak of, for years. Burnout was Hea’s mind’s way of slamming on the breaks, forcing her to stop pushing herself when nothing else could.

Oof, too close to home. Many times I remember feeling like I had to “outdo” myself to earn recognition. It’s like a roller coaster car creeping up to the top of a steep drop-off.

I’ll say that I once had a boss whom I had asked for a raise after three years of maintaining the same rate. Now, mind you I didn’t actually ask for a raise, but asked how I could earn a raise at my next review, highlighting my accomplishments from the past few years to demonstrate a clear track record of growth and contributing value to the team. I was raised to not expect handouts but to work hard and show my worth.

We worked on the plan. It was documented. And the following year, after truly outdoing myself in what my boss announced to the team as a “banner” year for me? Do you want to know what I was told? “Why would I pay for something you already did?”

OK, let me drop that and continue with more from Price:

Today’s average worker is over-extended far beyond anything seen in recent history, logging longer hours than ever, often for multiple part-time or gig-economy bosses, in return for dwindling pay and no benefits. Digital tools make it possible for obligation and demand to invade every moment of our days, our bosses always within arm’s reach, a hail of new information, notifications, and messages designed to be distractingconstantly raining down and causing us stress.

We’re living in a cold tech economy — well, it’s hot for management but cold for the rest of us. I’m a fellow who avoids hyperbole but it’s hard for me not to see the current job climate as anything but a modern clash of the proletariat and bourgeoisie. I have lots of thoughts on this.

People who have experienced burnout report worse memories, slower reaction times, less attentiveness, lower motivation, greater exhaustion, reduced work capability, and more negative health symptoms, long after their period of overwork has stopped. It’s as if burnout sufferers have fallen off their previous life trajectory, and cannot ever climb fully back up. And that’s just among the people who receive some kind of treatment for their burnout and have the opportunity to rest. I found one study that followed burned-out teachers for seven years and reported over 14% of them remained highly burnt-out the entire time.

I’m not only a tech worker, but I teach it as well.

Since her burnout began, Hea has been diagnosed with Autism, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, pre-diabetes, and chronic pain syndrome. But none of that has stopped her from believing she should be more capable than she is.

[…]

When I ask Hea if she’s really internalized the fact that she is disabled, she shakes her head in resistance.

We still have a lot of work to do to recognize mental illness as a condition like any other ailment, even when it comes to diagnosing ourselves.

Given all this, it makes sense that when a burned-out person notices their abilities slipping, they scramble to recoup them as fast as they can. But burnout is one of the body’s final defenses against unrelenting, unsustainable demand, and it is only by reevaluating those demands and abandoning a huge number of them that we can actually begin to heal — and heal as the people we are, not the hyper-reliable workhorses we long to be.

Attempting to squash burnout only feeds it.

For burnt out people, the unrelenting need for rest can seem shameful. And yet it is the only way to halt the bleeding of overwork.

Yes, I am always aware of my more idle times and secretly worry that I’ve become irrelevant in my work, yes, but also in my home and hobbies.

On good days, I can allow the animal inside me to luxuriate in the pleasures of a long stretch across the bed, a mouth-watering bowl of pasta with vodka sauce, the biting wind on my neck as I walk. On bad days, I wonder why my body is still so insistent upon soaking up so much pleasure, when I have done nothing to earn it.

Guilt is such a big part of the deal. I’ll say that I allow myself to pause — and have become quite good at it! — but it does come with a lot of self-doubt as to whether I’m wasting time or even deserve the break.